When Nothing Makes Sense, Eat Chocolate and Keep Going

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I remember the first time I heard of Murphy’s Law. I was working in San Diego at linens n’ things in the Carmel Mountain shopping center. Things just kept going wrong for this lady who came through my line and she said, “you know that’s just like Murphy’s Law for me anything that can go wrong will.” At the time I didn’t really think anything of it. As time went on, however, I began to see that it times in life I can be quite true. One thing goes wrong and it starts a domino effect of continuous drama and trauma. More recently I have tried to remain as positive as possible. The thing is, this week everything finally just took it’s toll. Situations with my trouble love one brought up all the motions and dramatic memories of witnessing her being abused. The guilt that festered deep inside me for not stepping in… only to find when I spoke to my counselor recently about it she assured me it really that was nothing I could do without having harm inflicted on me, and that I really needed to forgive myself. With more recent events that have happened with her, finding out that she’s turned to harsher drugs and is now homeless… my heart aches! Knowing that everything in me wants to help her, however when I’ve done that in the past it’s caused me to fall into a dangerously codependent relationship with her that’s completely unhealthy. That being said I’ve had to make very clear lines to only be willing to be there and help her should she truly be willing to get up and change. Now, I find that the way to show that I love her to continue to go to school so that I can eventually help people like her who really want to get their lives right and to pour as much love as I can into her little one that my mom has adopted. The process has been trying, to say the least. I found myself trying everything I can to self heal and get rid of this pain. From seeing a chiropractor, physical therapist, and even doing the exercises in the book that was recommended to me called “Pain Free” only to find myself in utter pain.  With the treatment that I need so close but just out of reach, I felt nearly hopeless at times. Knowing that there is a remedy, however my insurance doesn’t cover it has just been a portion of the battle. Here it is just the beginning of the semester, I’m not even halfway through I’m so close to just giving up. Praying every step of the way. I know God is working but it’s so hard to see through the storm.  Right here right now I’m choosing  to praise! On an up side… I’be been gaining weight, and still maintaining good grades in school. I was recently promoted at work, was given an opportunity to share my story on my dear friend’s blog, and have opened my new business called Messenger Gear in which I sell clothes and jewelry to help raise funds and awareness to stop human trafficking. All being said and done, amidst my suffering I’m still seeing God work in mighty ways. I may be in pain now, but this can’t last forever. I’ll leave you today with a link to miss Emily Swanson’s blog and podcast series, some reviews of my recent food adventures, and a peek at the clothing line!

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One of my favorite new food addictions has been dark chocolate! Theo makes thee best sea salt almond dark chocolate bars PLUS Trader Joe’s has hit my sweet tooth just right with their cacao nibs!!!

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Aloha bars? … yesss please!

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Froyo with almond slivers and smothered in Hershey sugar free chocolate… yeaaaas!!!!

Now, onto the link to miss Emily’s blog post! Be sure to check it out and subscribe to her new podcast series!

http://beautyinchristthebook.com/darkness-light-healing-podcast-2/

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Finally… Messenger Gear! You can catch this new line on instagram as @messenger_gear the first round of shirts and jewelry will be giving a portion of the proceeds to help an organization called “The Glass Slipper” in which rescues women from sex trafficking! Be sure to also like my page on facebook!

 

Thank y’all for dropping in and sharing my journey with me… until next time… keep pressing on!

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Sweetness in bitter times!

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Mind crammed! That’s the best way to describe what I feel right now. Wow, this whole semester has been a total ride of faith for me. Between studies , blood testing, doctors appointments , MRI , house sitting , work… I found I lost the taste for fun in life. In a session with my counselor she asked me what I did for fun and I laughed ! So, she encouraged me to identify the things that I enjoy and make a way to do them…. easier said than done! However, I took her advice and decided to pray and ask God to open up doors for me to do things like reaching out to the ministry that I’ve been wanting to work with and support , and come up with new recipe ideas. Boy was He quick to answer! The following weekend I began a house-sit. Now, my blender at home had just broken and a lot of the ingredients that I need to make my recipes were running at an all-time low along with my finances. Fortunately, the people I was house-sitting for we’re very generous and allowed me to pick figs from the garden, get fresh eggs from their chickens, and enjoy whatever was in their fridge and pantry! Plus, they had a Vitamixer (morning smoothie heaven)!$! So… Off to work I went on studies and baking! The outcome? A recipe for cookies which I’ll share at the end of this post! That weekend I also decided to give myself a break and despite the physical pain that I was dealing with I sat down with the dogs and enjoyed a viewing of “Dirty Dancing!” It felt like being a kid again! I got to hang out with the most curious looking hairless dogs and a house full of loads of other animals (including snakes, turtles, frogs and fish)! It was like being on a farm! After the weekend was over, I packed up my things and headed home to face the week.
In the midst of studies I felt an urge to contact the woman who heads up the ministry I mentioned a few posts back! Now, it’s time to reveal the name of that nonprofit! If the shoe fits wear it right? Well, the shoe is called The Glass Slipper! It’s an organization that helps people who have been sex trafficked find restoration! From the moment that Donnie Moore had mentioned them at my church, I had totally fallen in love! Right there, the heart of everything I’m going to school for right before my eyes! Upon contacting her , she informed me that she and some of the girls we’re going to go to an A’s game that Reverend Moore had invited them to and they had a ticket that they would like to share with me! What an honor! I quickly accepted and that Saturday I went out to Oakland , met up with the girls and enjoy the game of baseball followed by worship and testimonies from players on both teams that play that night! Plus Donnie Moore and his team performed feats of Strength!

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That night as I walked away, all I could think is after seeing those women and knowing what they’ve been through… Seeing that there’s hope for them… It gave me hope! I want to do what the glass slipper does for women! The girls and I parted ways with a promise to keep in touch, and Lord willing work together soon on a project that is yet to be revealed.
On the way home I remembered that I saw a certain Greyhound sign from the freeway! So , I got off the freeway made an extra effort to charge my phone, and took a picture of myself in front of the very Greyhound station that I got off the bus at on January 11th of 2007. For the first time in almost 10 years I visited the very place that my mom welcomed me with open arms , coming out of a homeless drugged-out situation , smelling like trash, and coming down from my last meth high… I wept and thank God for delivering me!

20160910_184724Despite the daily physical pain that I deal with in the trials that I’ve faced… His grace is what has kept me from going back into the mess that I was! By His grace , I no longer have to pick up a pipe or do a line to find refuge from my trials. I can pray to him, I can seek His face, and I can trust but no matter what tomorrow holds, whether or not I ever receive the healing that my heart so desperately desires, whether or not I ever see any of my dreams come true… ultimately life is fading. All that truely matters is knowing that I’ve lived a life that brings His light to others…
That being said… Here’s some good news… Test results came in and… NO CANCER! Testing for various other things such as thyroid disorder and celiac , at least the heavy part is out of the way and off my shoulders! meanwhile, the battle with physical pain continues! My muscles acting up, along with having to visit the chiropractor several times having a hard time just trying to make it through each day I’m going to continue to trust the Lord! So, questions for you!
First off, while the eating disorder I’m currently recovering from is called orthorexia, which is what has led to a lot of my digestive issues , in stepping into recovery I’ve had to step out of fear and eat things that I before I would consider taboo… Are there Foods that you’ve ever considered taboo or been afraid to eat?
If so have you have your face your fear? How?
Also, is there something that you’ve been desiring to do but have let fear stop you from doing it?
finally, what are some things that you like to do that are fun and help you enjoy a break from the stresses of life?
All being said onto the recipe! Until I post again… God bless!

Almond Butter Cookies

1 & 1/3 cup rolled oats
1 cup mashed sweet potato
1 egg 2 egg whites
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
half a teaspoon of salt
Half teaspoon cinnamon
Half cup of Georgia grinders honey roasted almond butter
Two packets of Justin’s Maple almond butter
9 packets of Zing stevia

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix wet ingredients and dry separately, then mix together. Place spoonfuls (about 2-3 tbs full) of cookie batter onto a cookie sheet leaving about a 1.5 in space btween each. Place in oven for 15 min or until baked to your liking… Enjoy warm with some froyo or… Let cool and enjoy with a morning cup of joe!

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