Sweetness in bitter times!

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Mind crammed! That’s the best way to describe what I feel right now. Wow, this whole semester has been a total ride of faith for me. Between studies , blood testing, doctors appointments , MRI , house sitting , work… I found I lost the taste for fun in life. In a session with my counselor she asked me what I did for fun and I laughed ! So, she encouraged me to identify the things that I enjoy and make a way to do them…. easier said than done! However, I took her advice and decided to pray and ask God to open up doors for me to do things like reaching out to the ministry that I’ve been wanting to work with and support , and come up with new recipe ideas. Boy was He quick to answer! The following weekend I began a house-sit. Now, my blender at home had just broken and a lot of the ingredients that I need to make my recipes were running at an all-time low along with my finances. Fortunately, the people I was house-sitting for we’re very generous and allowed me to pick figs from the garden, get fresh eggs from their chickens, and enjoy whatever was in their fridge and pantry! Plus, they had a Vitamixer (morning smoothie heaven)!$! So… Off to work I went on studies and baking! The outcome? A recipe for cookies which I’ll share at the end of this post! That weekend I also decided to give myself a break and despite the physical pain that I was dealing with I sat down with the dogs and enjoyed a viewing of “Dirty Dancing!” It felt like being a kid again! I got to hang out with the most curious looking hairless dogs and a house full of loads of other animals (including snakes, turtles, frogs and fish)! It was like being on a farm! After the weekend was over, I packed up my things and headed home to face the week.
In the midst of studies I felt an urge to contact the woman who heads up the ministry I mentioned a few posts back! Now, it’s time to reveal the name of that nonprofit! If the shoe fits wear it right? Well, the shoe is called The Glass Slipper! It’s an organization that helps people who have been sex trafficked find restoration! From the moment that Donnie Moore had mentioned them at my church, I had totally fallen in love! Right there, the heart of everything I’m going to school for right before my eyes! Upon contacting her , she informed me that she and some of the girls we’re going to go to an A’s game that Reverend Moore had invited them to and they had a ticket that they would like to share with me! What an honor! I quickly accepted and that Saturday I went out to Oakland , met up with the girls and enjoy the game of baseball followed by worship and testimonies from players on both teams that play that night! Plus Donnie Moore and his team performed feats of Strength!

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That night as I walked away, all I could think is after seeing those women and knowing what they’ve been through… Seeing that there’s hope for them… It gave me hope! I want to do what the glass slipper does for women! The girls and I parted ways with a promise to keep in touch, and Lord willing work together soon on a project that is yet to be revealed.
On the way home I remembered that I saw a certain Greyhound sign from the freeway! So , I got off the freeway made an extra effort to charge my phone, and took a picture of myself in front of the very Greyhound station that I got off the bus at on January 11th of 2007. For the first time in almost 10 years I visited the very place that my mom welcomed me with open arms , coming out of a homeless drugged-out situation , smelling like trash, and coming down from my last meth high… I wept and thank God for delivering me!

20160910_184724Despite the daily physical pain that I deal with in the trials that I’ve faced… His grace is what has kept me from going back into the mess that I was! By His grace , I no longer have to pick up a pipe or do a line to find refuge from my trials. I can pray to him, I can seek His face, and I can trust but no matter what tomorrow holds, whether or not I ever receive the healing that my heart so desperately desires, whether or not I ever see any of my dreams come true… ultimately life is fading. All that truely matters is knowing that I’ve lived a life that brings His light to others…
That being said… Here’s some good news… Test results came in and… NO CANCER! Testing for various other things such as thyroid disorder and celiac , at least the heavy part is out of the way and off my shoulders! meanwhile, the battle with physical pain continues! My muscles acting up, along with having to visit the chiropractor several times having a hard time just trying to make it through each day I’m going to continue to trust the Lord! So, questions for you!
First off, while the eating disorder I’m currently recovering from is called orthorexia, which is what has led to a lot of my digestive issues , in stepping into recovery I’ve had to step out of fear and eat things that I before I would consider taboo… Are there Foods that you’ve ever considered taboo or been afraid to eat?
If so have you have your face your fear? How?
Also, is there something that you’ve been desiring to do but have let fear stop you from doing it?
finally, what are some things that you like to do that are fun and help you enjoy a break from the stresses of life?
All being said onto the recipe! Until I post again… God bless!

Almond Butter Cookies

1 & 1/3 cup rolled oats
1 cup mashed sweet potato
1 egg 2 egg whites
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
half a teaspoon of salt
Half teaspoon cinnamon
Half cup of Georgia grinders honey roasted almond butter
Two packets of Justin’s Maple almond butter
9 packets of Zing stevia

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix wet ingredients and dry separately, then mix together. Place spoonfuls (about 2-3 tbs full) of cookie batter onto a cookie sheet leaving about a 1.5 in space btween each. Place in oven for 15 min or until baked to your liking… Enjoy warm with some froyo or… Let cool and enjoy with a morning cup of joe!

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Smoothie Time in the Rabbit Hole

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One of my favorite stories growing up is “Alice in Wonderland.” No, I’m not talking about the move… I’m talking about the book. The movie is adorable, but book… just really captures Alice’s adventures in such an incredibly descriptive way that the  the reader has so need for physical images, for the image comes clear inside of the mind without need of any visual assistance. This is definitely one of the few books I wouldn’t mind reading over and over again!

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(photo credit http://entertainmentdesigner.com/)

Right now, I feel like I’m Alice… falling down the rabbit hole! Why? Well, this white rabbit that I call my vision for career and ministry as dashed off before me and headed down his crazy rabbit hole, and of course like any dreamer who has a dream does… I went a chasin! Then…. chaos hit. Every time I’ve turned around there has been some sort of resistance! Any time I’ve made any progress in an area of life… things begin to happen to smack me down. My running and racing dreams… shattered before my eyes just as my PRs were improving, my acting dreams… well… I’ve just never really had the boldness to step forward to try to see if they could come true. This dream of building a non profit (for which I go to school for)…. welll… This semester, it’s taking every bit of energy I have, mentally, emotionally, and physically to press on. The pains in my body, trying to get proper treatment only to be put through a blitzkrieg of chaos and end up in pain again…. chaos at school, home, ect… I’m praying that somehow… God will help me through this mess!

I honestly have kept the severity of my health situation very quiet because… well, why tell my readers who really can’t help? Then, I realized that opening up could probably help ya’ll choose to press on through things you might be battling… so here goes!

For quite a while now, I’ve been battling issues that have made it hard to walk at times. I get up in the morning and HAVE to put on shoes or slippers before my feel hit the ground or else my hamstrings tighten up making it painful for me to walk. There are several imbalances that have lead to me struggling at times to sit, stand, walk, lay down, and even shower without pain and/ or discomfort. While I’ve sought out treatment, even with the funds raised through the before mentioned gofundme that a dear friend of mine set up…  I’ve only been able to start treatments, but not really finish or get to the core of the situation. I have to take extra care in bending down to get things, can’t pick my nephew up, can’t push a grocery cart, have not been able to workout to rebuild strength and balance and have to constantly be aware of how I stand and walk while doing anything. To top it off… I battle PTSD from the abuse and various forms of abused I’ve dealt with, losses I’ve faces, constant high pressure situations I’ve dealt with, health issues (including the injuries that I battle) that have at times… made it hard for me to just pick up and keep moving. Finally, I’m in the process of having the doctors run a series of tests to find out if I’m dealing with an autoimmune disorder or possibly cancer… all this at just the beginning of a new semester! So… down this rabbit hole I continue to fall! While I DID drop my Drama class in order to keep my focus on classes that are degree applicable…. Getting my head in the game has really been challenging for me.

Don’t get me wrong…. I’m not saying this to complain… I’m simply saying… I’m choosing to press on, despite how my body feels, despite the family drama that I face, and despite the fact that my mom and I are barely hanging on financially. Trusting that at the end of this seemingly endless rabbit whole.. past all the crazy encounters with the distracting characters that try to throw me off course… past the war with the queen of hearts… there’s a victory in the name of Jesus. Somehow, some way, I’ll make it through this. Seriously… handing everything to Christ at this moment in time and knowing that even if He calls me to walk away from classes… He’ll have another door opened for me. So, as the clock ticks and the last day to withdraw without receiving a “w” approaches… I pray, continue to study, and wait on the Lord!

As I wait, I choose to enjoy the great things that that Lord has provided like… movies with mom and Tye Tye (my little nephew and apple of my eye) with Frozen yogurt and popped corn

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smoothie bowls

and…. good ol Georgia grinders almond butter!

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PLUS… a huge victory… from 86lbs to just breaking 100lbs… hey… God is good! Please, spare me the “you can have some of mine” comments… Nothing personal, but that’s a trigger! All being said… I hope whatever giants you face, you find the strength and courage to face them head on! Until next time…

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” ~Ephesians 6:10~

Put on your armor and know that the battle belongs to the Lord!

and of course… here’s a recipe to get your mornings going!

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Fig Berry madness!

Ingredients

~1 cup frozen blueberries

~1/2 cup frozen blackberries

~ 1 scoop of superbeets powder

~1/2 – 2/3 cup water or almond milk

~ stevia (or sweetener of choice) to taste

~ 2 fresh figs cut into 4ths

directions

Place all ingredients into a blender, leaving the figs to the side. blend until smooth and top with the chopped figs. You can add protein powder if you like or eat some eggs or cottage cheese on the side… get creative!

 

Ya’ll get out there! Live, love, enjoy your life!