To love or not to love….



Love, wow… A topic that has been on my heart a lot lately. So often we, a humans getso caught up in the idea of romance …. being single can tend to come along with the desire for that sort of connection. Far be it for me to deny, during my brief summer break… I, myself began to start hoping for that area of my life to begin. Then, God started opening my eyes… Here I was, thinking about the possibility of a romantic relationship when I wasn’t even caring (properly) for the people I already have been blessed with in my life. My mom and I consistently bickered like little kids , my nephew had good moments with me but there wasn’t quality in our relationship, I had friends but rarely saw or spent time with them, and I still had a rough and rigid spirit that needed to be melted along with a cold and hateful attitude toward myself and circumstances. I came before God and apologized for not caring properly for the people He has blessed me with and asked Him to help me love myself and others. The outvinegar AMAZING! I began to see myself through the eyes of Christ, and found little ways to treat myself how I always wanted the world around me to treat me. Wearing makeup again, dressing nicely, trying new foods, and eating my favorite foods (which got a little out of control )… 



Then, I began working on my relationship with my family. I started  by thanking God for my mom and nephew and allowed Him to work and create peace, love, and unity even if it meant saying “I’m wrong and you’re right.” I looked for opportunities to push through my own personal difficulty and pains to make a connection with my nephew and contributed to the household not out of must, but rather out of love 🙂


In the mix, the Lord opened the door for me to actually hang out with people (outside of asking for rides ), having coffee with a long time family friend, meeting up w/ a theater/ church friend (very much like a sister to me), and hanging out with some newer friends and building friendships that I hope will last a lifetime!

Meanwhile, I still pushed through work, a house sit, physical therapy treatments, coiunciling sessions, improvements and setbacks with my body… Even found the “diagnosis” for the condition… What is it ??? It was heartbreaking to me to find out… My pt says its hip displasia. Since no one else in my family has it, more than likely…. Its due to the sexual abuse I endured as a toddler (by my dad). Only, after a blitzkrieg of accidents, races, ect… Did it finally take its toll on my body. Yet, according to my pt, there is hope. Apparently (with proper treatment) I’ll be able to run and race again. However, in the mean time… My goal is simply this… I just want to be able to go through this semester with some comfort in my body, to be able to pick up my nephew and sit on the floor and play with him without feeling the pain from it later. So, I trust God daily knowing that though I don’t have the coverage to receive the treatment necessary… Somehow, someway… I’ll make it through.

Today, I’ll close by saying… Whatever you face, mknow that there is a Good who loves you. Ask Him to help you love you, and… Through that love… Ask Him to help you truly love others regardless of your own pain or personal issues… JUST LOVE! Also, as I promised in my last blog , I have a recipe! This is a quick summer coleslaw you can put together for a gathering or for a refreshing side for your lunch or dinner when you’re crunched for time 😀



-1/2 to 3/4 large head of red and/or green cabbage    finely sliced

-1 red bell pepper diced into tiny chunks

-1fugi apple diced into tiny chunks

-1/2 lg red onion, minced

-1/2 cucumber diced into tiny chunks

-1 tsp dill weed

-sea salt to taste

-1/4 cup white wine vinegar

-1/4 cup trader joes white balsamic vinegar


Chop and toss fruits and veggies in a large zip lock bag, add salt and dill , seal bag and shake it up. Open bag, add vinegar and shake it up again. You can serve immediately OR let it sit in the fridge to marinade! (I didn’t include the dill and white balsamic in the image).