Wow, so here I am… stuck in what looks like an impossible situation… which stemmed from a series of uncontrollable events as well as many bad choices on my part. To be honest, there are days when I’ve woken up in the morning, worries clouding my mind, and I litterally have to get up and thank God that I have the blessing of seeing another day. Think about it… that, in and of itself is an honor and blessing that is given to each one of us. Like an onion, God has been stripping away the years of verbal, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse that I’ve dealt with time and time again. There have been days when it’s hard for me to look in the mirror and see who God sees. I have to daily remind myself that He created and loves every part of who I am. The verse comes to mind…
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
I feel as though I’m going through the Ester process… God is showing me how much He loves me, is getting perfumed, made up and ready to do what He has called me to do… so the question arises… why continue to run, when the rest of the world (minus a few people who truly believe in me) has told me to give up? Well… I was the girl who’s been told all her life that I’m not allowed to be me… the dreams I have are always supposed to be tailored and manipulated in ways that make others happy, if not, completely sacrificed so I can live life on the back burner…. that has been carried around with me for so many years, thus leading to me rebelliously focusing tooo much on it… However…. when I came to my moment of true surrender.. I was sitting in my room in Crockett, I threw my running shoes, and told God that He can have my feet. He can do what He wants with them. It’s all for His glory or not at all… the next morning, I woke up to hear Him speaking to my spirit…. as I got in the Word, He began to give me vision again… As I started putting things on paper and preparing what I felt Him speaking to me… emotions ran and began to cry as I felt Him say, “Run, my child… RUN with all your heart! Whatever you do, do it as unto Me!” I completely broke and began to cry… the approval that I had sought all my life… from so many different sources… the years of chasing dreams to only see them shattered… it all brought me to this one, defining moment!!! My heavenly Father takes DELIGHT in seeing me run. From that point on… I’ve come back to that place where, although I DO attend church… running is where I feel His presence the most. I’m by no means saying not to go to church… you CANNOT replace fellowship. However, everyone that has a relationship with God has that place that they feel Him the most. For me…. it’s outside with the wind blowing in my hair, pavement, trail, grass, whatever… rhythmically flowing beneath my feet as I meditate on His word and His Spirit in the beauty of His creation! Some days, I feel as though I could just run forever and not stop… THIS is my calling… I was created to to run and run and run….. what seems so foolish to people, even me at times is brought into a new perspective in light of the following passage:
26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the Lord.”[c]
Whoever you are, whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord… delight in Hims and He will give you the desires of your heart. Take root in Him… get SOLIDLY founded in Him allowing Him to show you the beautiful being that He made you to be… then, embrace those talents, passions, desires… and be that messenger of the good news who has beautiful feet! I run, for His glory! I run to show the world that anyone who places their hope in HIM can be set free from the darkness of failure, defeat, the victimization caused by others, coldness of heart, self destruction, and become a beautiful, successful, vibrant, and passionate being who loves the Lord, loves themselves, and loves others with that love of Jesus!
12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.