into the wilderness

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now, last blog I briefly explain how my recovery came about up until my first marathon. I’m going to briefly backtrack and give you a little more detail. I went through a 12 step program called Celebrate Recovery.there I found the bridge into my new life. I never really looked back at the world of meth as something that I would want to turn back to.that had to be the grace of God! Lord provided my best friend and mentor Sharlet Gilbert. she, her husband and mother have  become pretty much like family to me. how our friendship came about is another story of its own. All I can say is they’re the best friends I’ve ever had.over time the Lord help me overcome cigarette smoking as well as a severe over eating habit that I had while working at Hometown Buffet.even today finding balance can be a challenge.however, I work daily with the Holy Spirit to help me through. Little did I know I still battled with shame that built up over the years.as my teeth began to suffer from the year and a half of drug use, I totally hated myself and watched as some of my teeth began to crumble, yet the Lord helped me push thru, and provided a temp plate. then,I went trying to find Mr Right again.though I remained celibate (even till now) part of my spirit kept longing for something that I was missing.I dated once or twice, and had one relationship that lasted one month …all I can say is it was all wrong. any guy I had a crush on, I would later find out was in a relationship. One guy that seemed to be a really good man, ended up with me chasing him around like a love sick puppy dog! anyone reading this who knows me and knows who I’m taking about can laugh! poor guy! there I went, making a fool of myself running around after that whole that “missing piece.”looking back now I see where all this had stemmed from… the daddy wounds…. they needed to heal…. but how? Well, a miraculous reunion w my dad’s parents was just the beginning. Though it got off to a rocky start, it was all worth it.Now, the week before the Oakland marathon, Sharlet kept in close contact and even did my final “shake out” run prior to the race! What a blessing! In the midst of everything, I’d gotten a job at a restaurant in Orinda… things seemed to be looking up! And… then…. I returned home to see the beginning of a hurricane. I hid out in the mobile home and prepared myself for the next day’s events… NOW, back to where the other blog left off… through out the race, I kept envisioning my sister at the finish… my passion, I found it…. I run to show that all captives can be set free. At the end of the race, my sister was nowhere to be found… I heard a man’s voice behind me say, “hey Romans!” (The bible verse I wore on my back!) I turned around and it was a guy that the Holy Spirit moved me to encourage to push through his pain and get to the finish! “Thank you for encouraging me to push through! I wouldn’t have made it!” “Wow, not a problem. It was Jesus though! Praise God you made it!” I replied. Isn’t that what life it’s about? Encourage others to push through, to reach that hotel, whatever goal our dream they have. We shook hands and went our separate ways. I went on to meet my family and have a victory meal! When we got home… it was time to face the hurricane recovery from a marathon is one thing, but recovering while dealing with a change of job, troubles at home along w an uncertain living arrangement, PLUS putting together a fundraiser race event AND getting ready to perform in a summer production at CCC… all I can say is…. every day was a struggle.I didn’t know what was going to happen from one day to the next.my new job proved to be not as promising as I thought… struggling from day to day, trying to make ends meet, my body also aching due to injury. I soon received word that my grandfather that I’d been reunited w was diagnosed with terminal cancer,..  I felt like job. I began to fall away from the Word.soon, things at home got worse. I was living in the mobile home while the traffic going on w my family member was bringing phone calls to police and a flow of destruction.I made a call to a lady that I went to church with. She let me stay on a temporary basis. While there,I began training to attempt to qualify for the 2012 olympic trials. Talk about walking in the flesh! My life was falling apart around me… I was still injured, just finished hosting a race, moved, still struggled financially… and now training for the California International Marathon as I was just finishing performing in a show at contra costa college… wow, what a roller coaster! People kept telling me to give up, not to run that event… however, press on I did! Soon, I was told it was time for me to leave, my car began having trouble… meanwhile, my mom had informed me that she had been evicted (our landlords had gone above and beyond out of their way, & drew the line)…she’d been living in a hotel room for a few days, then was sleeping in her car w my relative, until she found paraphernalia in her car and drew her own line and parted ways w them. I packed my things in my car, got into my mom’s car, went to my grandpa and ask for the one thing I never wanted to ask for…financial help.thankfully, he helped me out w enough to supply food and to help my mom out. As we returned to the Bay Area, we began to pray for the Lord’s direction in where to go. Thankfully, while I was and my grandparents’, I received a call from the woman I’d stayed w saying that there was another woman at church who needed someone to live in and take care of her cats while she was away on buisness for three to four days out of the week. Arrangements were made, for me to met up w her and… we headed to Berkeley to speek to my mom’s employer about getting a place for her through them. Thankfully, they had something temporary w insanely low rent. She signed the paperwork & we went off to meet the kitty woman! After meeting and speaking with her, we agreed to a temp live in situation, and… finally… some sort of certainty… praise God! Mom and I felt things were about to get so much better… or so it seemed…Image

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